This past Monday evening my sweet dog Lily passed away after a grueling seven month journey with dementia.
I’d never experienced such a close passing before and as the months progressed I feared that her loss would literally break me.
Rather, it’s already cracked me WIDE open.
I vowed to keep my heart open and my emotions free flowing despite a long history of trying to avoid tough emotions.
I am choosing to experience my grief fully as a way of honouring Lily’s life and love.
The five years we had with Lily brought immense joy and turned me into a bona fide mother. My protective instincts came out in full force and I loved being her home as much as she was mine.
Those of you who’ve been devoted newsletter followers of mine, know that I share about my life because to me, life and business are one in the same. We are WHOLE people and Lord knows that the last few years, life has been full on. Even if we tried, we can’t separate life and purpose. They’ve become so intertwined.
2024 has been a year of unexpected twists and turns. And for many of us, loss has been deeply interwoven into our lives.
From hurricanes, to the loss of parents, jobs, businesses, friendships, homes, we’ve all been shifting through a lot personally and collectively.
Even if the loss has been of your old identity, no small thing – mind you, I applaud you for your courage and grace.
If loss has stopped at your doorstep, I send you my sincerest sympathies for your losses.
I won’t lie that I have bargained for the outcome to have been different.
And yet, there’s only moving through grief.
I believe grief, as painful as it is, can also be a blessing.
A blessing of appreciation, of gratitude and of greater love.
As soon as Lily passed, I noticed myself wanting to close my heart.
But I knew I didn’t want to become that person nor would Lily either. Keeping my heart open was a way to honour our love.
I heard a pastor online say that loss is unavoidable.
But that grief is a choice.
So as we move through this holiday season and remember friends, seasons and times past that tug at our hearts, may we say a prayer of blessing for what we received and for what we’ve lost.
I’m so new to grief but I’m determined to let it widen me into greater depths of myself and of my love.
I’ve enlisted the support of help of a dear grief counselor, close friends and I’m taking it a day at a time.
There are surreal moments of dismay that Lily’s gone and others of sweetness too and lots of tears in between.
If you’re experiencing grief, let yourself be with it.
You owe no one smiles, joy or fake positivity if you don’t feel it.
Feel what you need to feel and honour yourself and your loved ones as YOU see fit.
Take care of yourself.
Take it a moment at a time.
Grieve the loss when it comes up.
In Lily’s case, I have had to take account of her seven month decline and the excruciating emotional wreckage it was to see our baby girl suffering and having no way of stopping her eventual demise.
Everything is grief: the guilt, the relief, the sorrow, the reckoning, the joy, the happy memories, the sad ones, the heartache and the deep love. Try not to judge any emotion or how you are grieving for it’s all valid to you.
I’ve decided on a new motto: “grace forward” – to take baby steps forward with grace and a deep honouring of Lily’s life and ours one messy, graceful and heartfelt step at a time.
I hug my husband a little more tightly now.
I know it’s so cliche to say to hold your loved ones a little more tightly but it’s true. I feel such an appreciation for my life, for my husband and my loved ones now more than ever.
And while I so wish I didn’t have to feel this grief now, I’m reminded that grief is a memento of how much I loved and was loved and isn’t this what life is about?
I’ve also had to pause to forgive myself for anything I thought I did to Lily or that I thought I could have done differently for her care. I thought I was seeking forgiveness from her – and to some extent I still am – but I’m really being called to forgive myself.
Let’s all forgive ourselves for what we coulda, shoulda, woulda done.
What’s done is done.
How can we find peace for ourselves now?
I admit that for a long while, I was upset that caring for Lily was taking me away from my business goals.
After I gave myself a good talking to, I was reminded that what’s in the way, IS the way and that Lily’s condition was a key part of my growth and evolution.
As we step into the holidays, the new year and new opportunities for contribution, let us continue to INTEGRATE life’s lessons into our leadership and business instead of seeing it as an inconvenience to be “dealt with”.
Again – what’s in the way, IS the way. It has a purpose IF you see it that way.
Here’s one of my favourite photos of Lily: at home peacefully sleeping in my arms. Isn’t she just the sweetest angel?
May Lily’s sweetness send peace to your tender heart as you navigate the season and the year ahead.
She was such a love, that we’ve nicknamed her love: “Lily love” because it’s so pure.
You are blessed.
You are loved and you are fortunate to experience love in all its forms – from furry friends and human ones.
Keep your heart open.
Stay brave and “grace forward” whatever that looks like for you.
Finally, thank you for witnessing my deep love for sweet Lily.
And may you stay open to your version of receiving “Lily love” in your heart in all its beautiful forms.
To your sweet success,
-Priscilla
