Have you ever had that nagging, uncomfortable feeling that if you’re not really careful, people will find out that you don’t really feel confident in your abilities to do your job?
To be more blunt, do you ever feel like a fraud in your career or your business?
Do you wonder if people can see through your thin veneer of “I’ve got it together” and “I know what I’m doing” to call you out on your bluff?
If so, let me tell you: you’re not alone.
If you’re a woman. If you desire to make an impact in the world and you have a high standard of excellence, chances are you’ve experienced this.
It’s that voice that tells you:
- You’re not good enough;
- You’re not smart enough;
- You’re not ready yet;
- You need to invest in a few more certifications before you’re ready to help others.
- You need to work a few more late hours at the office to show I am worthy of my job.
Sound familiar?
Before you know it, hiding your fraud factor becomes a way of being. An almost terrorizing secret you impose upon yourself because of an unrealistic standard you decided of what it means to be good enough.
I was talking to a client recently and she equated offering real value as everything looking perfect. The problem with that is that perfect is an illusion. However, it costs us our joy, our sanity and stops us dead in our tracks from making a difference and enjoying ourselves in the process.
I am also intimately familiar with this predicament.
Do you want to hear a secret? For three of the four years I was in business I felt like a massive fraud.
The kind that made me shudder in pain from attending a networking event and having to look someone in the eyes while fumblng to explain what I do.
I would sprint through my pitch in the hopes that people couldn’t detect how scared I really felt.
Sometimes when I was on the phone with a client, I would hope they wouldn’t realize that I was scared I couldn’t help them.
I would even take their transformation as my personal responsibility. Crazy right?
I thought “What if they realized I sucked and asked for their money back. Or worse? What if they bad mouthed me to others and on social media?”
In the process, in between hyperventilating and wanting to crawl under the covers, I realized that I just couldn’t live that way anymore.
While there is total merit to getting out there and to faking it while we make it, it’s so much sweeter to actually go out there and actually feel good about yourself. Wouldn’t you agree?
It doesn’t involve being perfect, doing more trainings or repeating positive affirmations until kingdom come.
The keys I have found to kick the fraud factor to the curb are:
1. Get clear on the value you provide and your strengths: you have a lot of amazing gifts. That’s why you are doing what you do or you have a burning desire in your belly to follow your purpose. Getting clear on what you do well, will automatically ground you and make you feel better. So I’d love for you to make a list of what you do well you could do it in your sleep or for free.
2. Take baby steps: start taking consistent action steps that build your confidence. If you’re a beginner coach, reach out to some friends who already know, like and trust you and invite to coach them with a special, limited time friends and family rate. Then get their feedback. If they liked your work, ask for an testimonial.
NINJA TIP: when you ask for feedback, really listen. Pay attention to the words they use to describe what changed for them and how your style and way of coaching was supportive to them.
3. Embrace what you already know: while sometimes more training is warranted, it’s not always the case. Sometimes there is nothing like actual experience. You learn a lot about what works best for you and your clients and you become a better practitioner/employee.
I am not saying don’t get training but there is a fine line between having no training and getting into an endless cycle of feeling you need another training to feel good enough. If that’s the case for you, it’s time to pause and heal the self worth issues within you that are costing you thousands in new trainings and stopping you from using your gifts where they are needed NOW.
4. Trust yourself: trust, trust and trust some more. If you are starting something new or whether you’ve doing it for a while, gather proof of what you’ve done well. This can be testimonials, past degrees, recommendations, friends who have thanked you for helping them, etc. You know more than you are giving yourself credit for. Trust that you are resourceful and that if you don’t know something you can figure it out.
If you are trying something out for the first time and you don’t know if you can do it, just remember times in your past where you tried something for the first time and you succeeded.
What did you have to believe about yourself to make it through? Who did you have to be to make it?
Never underestimate your resourcefulness.
5. The final and perhaps more important point is that sometimes you need to tweak your focus.
For example, in my case, my fraud factor totally disappeared after I got really 100% clear on my purpose and the gifts I was meant to share with the world.
The tweak in my focus lead to a new direction in my business that felt 100% aligned with me.
As a result:
- I knew I was helping people with 100% certainty;
- I was getting amazing testimonials;
- People were referring me to their friends and family members;
- They were healing blocks that had taken them years of suffering trying to clear on their own.
For years and years I had this excruciatingly painful secret that I was a fraud.
It took enormous effort to hide it. Effort that I could have used to help more people.
Effort spent fearing that if this isn’t it for me then am I doomed?
Will I ever find out what I’m good at? And what if I realize I really suck and have no real talents?
The terror of this kept me up at night, in my head and hiding – a lot.
I don’t want you to be suffering, hiding and fearing you’ll be found out.
The truth is that you are remarkable.
You have amazing gifts.
You are here to make a difference.
What if the only thing you needed was to get clear on your value, your purpose and get crystal clear clarity on your direction and career/business focus?
If you’ve been suffering from “fraud-itis” you don’t need to continue this endless self sabotaging cycle.
You probably don’t need more trainings or certification programs.
You just need to get clear on your purpose and your blocks to creating an amazing life and sharing your gifts.
