Sweet one,
When someone tells you that something is not personal, what is your initial reaction?
Do you take a deep breath and let things roll off your back or does your blood boil?
As a woman, I suspect that it’s probably more of the latter than the former.
The truth is that for us, life IS PERSONAL. We feel deeply. That’s just how we roll.
Here’s my confession on this topic: Up until recently, I took a LOT of things personally.
When my guides told me not to TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY in my relationships, I thought they were on spiritual crack (no joke!).
It did, however, get me thinking.
How could our life experience change FOR THE BETTER, by not taking anything personally in love and in business?
I started thinking about all the times I take things personally and how it has impacted my life.
The list began to grow. There was the guy who shoved me into the subway without second thought or the lady that closed the door before me when I was right behind her.
How can such simple occurrences make my blood boil?
It’s because I made them MEAN something about ME (notice the use of the word meaning here).
And that meaning can look something like:
“Nobody respects me.”
“People don’t see me or acknowledge me”
“ I am not appreciated.”
“I am going to show this jerk who’s BOSS.”
It’s the meaning we give to things that creates the suffering. Not the event itself. {tweet it}
All this got me to thinking and I want YOU to take a moment and consider:
“How does taking things personally in my life affect my overall well-being?”
The answer: adversely most of the time.
For me, I literally start huffing and puffing. I become disconnected from the present moment. I become righteous and sometimes downright belligerent. Envision Donald Duck + PINK in one! It’s NOT a pretty picture!
I feel justified in MY truth and in MY point of view.
Worse of all, when I take things personally, it creates a negative chain reaction that leads to more events that well… continue to pi** me off and show me how I NEED to take things personally!
Can you see the negative cycle ensuing?
More stress, less joy.
Truth be told, we take things personally more often than we think:
- Your daughter starts dating a guy you loathe = “ How can she do this to ME?”
- Your prospect says they decided to work with someone else = “ Why NOT me?”
- You don’t get the job and they choose someone with less experience than you and you think: “Why didn’t they see my amazing value?”
- Your husband leaves the toilet seat up AGAIN = “if he loved me, he’d remember to respect me”
- The guy stops calling you = if only you were skinnier or younger he would have stayed.
In these moments we can’t help but take it PERSONALLY.
We feel rejected; unappreciated; invisible even.
Our dreams feel dashed and our negative thoughts ignite our fears.
I’m not saying that we be doormats and just tolerate people’s inconsiderate, rude or sometimes just plain clueless behavior.
I am saying – let’s take a look at this for a moment and how it’s impacting you and your pursuit of your desires and YOUR WELLNESS.
Perhaps there is a better way…..
The truth is that some of the things that bother you may never stop bothering you.
And that’s a CHOICE.
You can allow things to bother you or you can change your perception so they don’t.
The secret is to NOT get stuck in the story (i.e. the meaning) that creates the suffering and the loss of power in the moment.
When we take things personally, we are trying to control someone else’s behavior instead of our own and we disconnect from our truth.
We are all masterful meaning makers so we get to choose meanings that empower us vs. destroy us via @sweetpathgirl. {tweet it}
When a “personal situation” arises, here are some steps to move through them with grace and power:
- Connect to the FEELINGS that the experience caused. Journal, cry, get angry. This is a critical first step. Bypassing this will keep you feeling stuck.
- Check in with yourself and explore what was your possible ROLE in the situation: If you were honest, did you have a role to play in the situation? This is not about assigning blame but just owning what might be yours to take ownership of. If you did, own up to it.
- Assess what key values/needs of yours were infringed upon by this situation: Did you feel slighted, unacknowledged? Was it realistic for the other person to give you these? If so, how can you go about getting your desired outcome from an empowered place?
- Ask yourself what MEANING you created about yourself, life, your career, people etc… and how that’s perpetuating your suffering. From this place, realize how you can REFRAME your future experiences so they aren’t as charged.
- Let it go. Life’s just too short. We can be right, or we can be happy.
Here’s some truth serum: You can stop making things be about you and rather, simply make a choice to NOTTAKE IT PERSONALLY.
How someone treats us is always a reflection OF THEM. How we respond, is a reflection on ourselves.
It really is that simple.
As much as we think that the world revolves around our emotions and our needs, it doesn’t. We are for the most part, self-centered creatures. That’s cool. Let’s just call a spade a spade.
When the man I was in love with said he wasn’t interested in a future with me it hurt my ego at first (but, but, but….).
Then I realized that by taking the meanings away, by wiping off the judgment and the resentment, I felt absolutely FREE in the moment. I was actually happy. The mind chatter stopped and so did the suffering!
It didn’t mean I didn’t still feel hurt or unattached to the outcome I had in mind. It just meant that this choice of nottaking things personally allowed me to feel peace and freedom over suffering.
When we stop taking things personally, we are free to feel happy, joyous and peaceful instead of bitter, stuck and resentful via @sweetpathgirl. {tweet it}
For the situations that still tick you off, you get to speak your truth and ask for things to change. Be vocal and also know that not everything is personal or about you unless you make it so.
How could life change for the better for you if you did that?
DESIRE WORK: What one thing or person bothers you to no end? If you were to think that the circumstance isn’tpersonal (act as if, if you need to), What could that open up for you? How could you REFRAME the situation so that it worked FOR you rather than against you? I’d love to hear more below on the blog.
To your sweet success,
