I’m coming clean with you today so buckle up.
On the positive front, a lot of goodness of has been germinating behind the scenes in my business the last six months.
On the not-so-great front: there has been a lot of mucky, depleted energy as well.
The old me tried to think of something really smart, snazzy, deep and “juicy” to write you today because I am super excited about what I’m sharing.
But truth is that even too much of a good thing (upcoming book, new website, new offerings) can still leave you pretty tired.
I see it as I speak to my clients and colleagues and while it feels like business suicide to share this with you: I am both ecstatic about and tired from what I’m birthing and STILL questioning it all.
- Does my work really matter in the big scheme of things?
- Should I just stop and go get a job and stop buying this whole “make an impact” bullshit?
- I’ve been a coach for 10 years and what do I really have to show for it?
- I was guided to teach Akashic Records and after writing the copy for it I totally chucked it. It was shit. Should I even bother pursuing this?
After following the guidance in the Akashic Records for seven years in my life AND business I don’t feel like I have a ton to show for it materially or impact-wise either. Yes, I’ve made money, changed hundred of people’s lives, moved across country and met my husband…. but I don’t have a ton of money in the bank to show for it yet. Not to the degree that I thought my effort, capacity and “talent” should afford me. Not to the degree I bought into from my industry.
So I’m also confronting a perceived sense of “betrayal” by the Akashic Records.
How can I access such incredibly rich guidance at will, I might add, and still not be where I want to be in this life? And at this point wondering even if I care. Shouldn’t soul guidance give me an (unfair) advantage and help me rise above so much nonsense in the 3D world?
Some deep stuff has resurfaced:
Old feelings of betrayal, old patterns of feeling like a victim and a deep sense of grief and loss for believing the marketing I wanted to believe from the coaching world. I’m fortunate to have hired amazing mentors and yet I still somehow feel like I’ve fallen short from the high hopes and promises I heard so often.
So I ask myself where’s the growth opportunity in this?
The truth is it anyone’s fault.
That’s the thing about the Akashic Records and doing spiritual development work: it asks you to look at yourself, your expectations, your beliefs and to question EVERYTHING.
It asks you to take full responsibility for it all.
I really want to blame my guides.
I really want to blame society, money, the world, the pandemic.
This is NOT how I imagined the world to be or where I thought I’d be in some areas of my life especially.
But oddly, the guides always remind us of our incredible ability to exercise FREE WILL and choice (even when it seems we don’t have it – or more often – don’t want to consider other choices available to us).
So at the end of the day, the buck stops with us.
I don’t say this from a place of shame or judgement (Lord knows we crucify ourselves way too fast and too hard).
But rather because we are NOT a victim to our life or circumstances unless we choose that frequency of living.
(Granted there are times when people really do us wrong and need to be held accountable. But this isn’t what I’m referring to here today.)
I say this too because there are NO guarantees.
Promises are broken.
Expectations are unmet.
Results less than stellar.
Trust is eroded.
Body gets weary and just needs rest.
And so on.
But this is (self-)leadership.
It is a leap into the utter unknown guided by faith, trust and a will to make the world a better place with zero guarantees.
It can be a daily questioning of the path and a conscious choice to follow the path you are on or to pivot and to do something else.
Because ultimately leadership is about leading ourselves; learning to trust ourselves, to ask the really hard and uncomfortable questions and to learn to be with the tension that comes from holding and transmuting unpleasant energy.
I believe it’s a part of the journey.
Questioning. Truth telling. Removing the masks and the shiny veneer out of life, relationships, our beliefs about humanity and business.
2020 amidst a pandemic my business did really well.
This year started with me recovering from another blood clot, being in the heat of writing my first book, feeling overwhelmed and needing all the energy I could to work through both as well as tending to my marriage and to my mental health.
While on the surface I am SO grateful and we are all well, I’m also NOT well.
I’m tired, disgusted, frustrated, defeated, unhappy, doubtful, cynical and so on.
I want a break this summer and I’m choosing to instead complete my first book and my husband and I are now in the middle of serious house shopping since our landlord told us last week he has decided to sell our home and we have three months to move out.
So this is life and this is self-leadership.
Life doesn’t stop because we are running a business.
We get sick.
Client flow dries up for a while.
We question everything.
We rest even though we are anxious and weary.
I am committed to normalizing leadership.
That our leadership gets to be informed and guided by the full expression of our life NOT to be tarnished by it.
Our range of emotions and perceived shortcomings are what make us great and humane leaders.
Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards and putting on a “good face” and “sucking it up” are part of the old paradigm that asks us to hide who we are to succeed.
Soul-driven leadership invites us to be the fullest and truest version of ourselves. This means that ALL of is welcome.
Yes – I am guilty of sharing pretty photos and a polished image (what can I say – I love pretty design and value excellence).
And I’m also slowly giving myself permission to be incredibly imperfect, messy and disheveled.
Perhaps it will give you permission to do the same.
And I shamelessly now get to the part where I get to share some really cool stuff with you 🙂
And amidst all this some wonderful new seeds are in bloom or close to blooming:
- My new homepage + Services page. are LIVE! (come check them out!)
- My new book the Soulfluent® Leadership Business Guide will be launching this August (get on the waitlist to be notified to get your copy)
Action I’ve discovered is easy.
Embodiment is a whole new level of vulnerability and discomfort because it requires the willingness to hold a higher frequency and to step into a new version of yourself that’s unfamiliar and plain uncomfortable.
This means that the version of who that knows how to navigate the world (“sweet” and “accommodating” for me) will be asked to step inside so that the truest and fullest version of you can step forward (no-nonsense and sassy for me).
And learning how to live in this new energy requires practice and commitment.
And while you can do this on your own, I’d love to help (see below).
NEW OFFERS + MORE
- Akashic Records Level 1 Training (virtual). If you are interested in getting on the waitlist (possible mid-August date and a definite mid-October date), email me. The PIF investment is $500 or a deposit of $250 and a balance of $350 30 days later.
- 8-week Intensive: If you’re actively growing your business OR a 6-figure business owner who is maxed out or knows it’s time to restructure your business model, message and money systems, this may be for you. Details here.
- This Friday June 25th Leadership Roundtable (10am – 2pm PT): I still have spots open and at the special rate of $350. To register, hit reply to this email.
If I can help you, I’d love to do so. This work energizes me and lights up my soul while it genuinely changes lives.
So for now, I leave you with some hugs and good wishes as I go spend a quiet evening with my husband who today celebrates his 60th birthday!
P.S.: If you’d prefer to have a 90 minute private session with me this month, email me and we’ll get that scheduled. The investment for that is $500.
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